Off Topic: The Chronicles of "Of Course Brugo Did" - Chapter 16: The Jar of Dirt
>>> Chapter 15 <<<
>>> Prelude <<<
You know you want to know why THAT'S the picture. Yes, yes you do...
But, before that! The jar of dirt. I.e., the book we found.
And before that! ! Our "daring" escape!!!
Undead dead? Check!*
Dragon book? Check!
Yeah, so we go to leave & are then reminded that there are a few zombies among the sands outside. We were all fine to leave, but our Cleric wanted to kill a few of them.
We discussed the point of such an exercise. Why bother killing a few, and leave the rest? That's silly. Either we go or we deal with them all. Otherwise, we're not making a difference to anyone, anywhere.
After some thought, the Cleric decided that we should finish the consecrating. I.e., we're killing more undead (clearly the Thief's favorite thing).
About the only thing we know for sure is that these zombies explode when they die. Not for much damage, but nickels & dimes catch up to you sooner or later. So the Druid & Cleric decided to spend most of their spells for the day casting summon after summon after summon. Turns out that wasn't a terrible idea.
After a few buff spells & a handful of summons already in place, we kicked open the tower door & prepared to engage the 200 zombi...
Hang on. Wut?
Yeah, the GM blindsided is with that one. But I think we may have misheard him the first time through. So instead of whatever "a few" is, we're staring down the barrel of an undead legion.
The summoned critters did quite well & took apart at least 1-3 zombies each. The Druid's did a bit better due to her Augment Summons feat. But the Bloodrager & Fighter really did some work.
The Bloodrager was able to nearly tear apart one per hit with moderate regularity & was doing quite well wading in. It also helps they were practically walking into the chainsaw, so...
The Fighter, earlier in the evening, was going over his feats & remembered he had a feat called Strike Back (in short, it lets him attack anything back that attacks him). We play with a combat grid. So, he can get dogpiled by 8 enemies a turn... You get the picture.
We made surprisingly short work of the army. Channel Energy & Undead to Death was also helpful, but ultimately, swords & claws won the day.
And then the Cleric got eaten by a Purple Worm.
Yeah... well, we're in a desert, so Dune always applies. Also, we'd been warned that they're out here, but we didn't expect to actually run into one. Ah well.
Since I (the Thief) was playing defense for the casters, I moved to kill the worm & get the Cleric out of its gut.
And got promptly eaten as well.
Apparently it's CMD is even more ridic that I remembered...
The frontliners were still handling zombies, so I had to Drax my way out of its gut & between myself, the Bloodrager (who wasn't having her old man get eaten alive), we mopped up from there.
Fortunately, there was only ONE worm. Had there been more... yeah, we'd have been in real trouble.
Nevertheless! After a few Create Water & Cure spells, we were on our Wind Walk way once again. And shortly thereafter, we teleported back to the city via plants & handed the Jar of Dirt (book) off to our gnome translator & curator.
And most of the party celebrated our not-dying.
Brugo, the Fighter, got so drunk he couldn't walk (so did the Bloodrager). The Cleric graciously offered to carry the Fighter to his room while I carried my daughter. And that's... when things got weird.
NOT LIKE THAT!!! Well... sort of like that. But not with my daughter!
The next morning, I'm getting the drunks up & I find a Brugo in bed with some human. Male. Human. Reminder, Brugo is a half-orc.
So, I'm just standing there at the door. With a plate of sausages. With my eyebrow raised. Brugo nuzzles up to the guy in his sleep & mutters something just past PG-13.
I call for the others. Obviously. And then we're all standing there, like... Wut?
The Cleric is hamming it up though. He's clearly at fault from our table perspective. And that's the real joke, the player of Brugo didn't hear that the player of the Cleric was being sneaky because he was checking his phone.
So anyway, I yell at Brugo & he rolls over. Sees said dude. And promptly freaks out & they both roll out of bed, naked.
Dexterity 24 Thief hands go up over the halfling Druid's eyes & the Bloodrager's eyes. Brugo's freaking out & eventually he pays the guy a gold to just leave & never speak to him again. The dude leaves in a huff, leaving Brugo just sitting in the room wondering what happened.
He then turns to me & goes, "Connor... ... ... I need a brothel. I have to balance the scales. this needs to happen."
Even I can't say no after that. Especially since I actually don't know what happened.
Also, he didn't want the sausages.
So I ask him what he wants in a girl. He thinks for a good long while & says, "Tall. Curvy. Athletic. Strong-willed. Redhead."
Why is this important? Two reasons. One, it's a very apt description of the Bloodrager. Two, she's my character's daughter.
So I tell the Madam of the brothel that he'd like a woman whose "tall, curvy, strong, and dominant."
I wonder how that went for him...?
Next time, on The Chronicles of "Of Course Brugo Did," Remeber that one thing we shouldn't have forgotten about?